He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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