yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
