You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
