i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
