fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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