I think I just saw someone hide a body.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
