atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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