im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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