At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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