We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
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