I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
