You made me cry and you don't even care
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
