my mouth tastes like poor choices
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
