Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
