i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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