just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
