If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
