Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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