How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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