I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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