corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
