Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
