i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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