whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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