gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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