"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
