my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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