Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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