Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
