After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
