I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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