I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
