she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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