all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
