i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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