sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
