I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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