normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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