I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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