I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
