Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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