Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
