After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
