the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
