i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
