Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
