Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
