I wish my penis had an off switch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
