I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
