I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
