dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
