he wants to bone in the snuggie
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
