I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
