My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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