Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
