An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
