Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
