whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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