so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize