I puked a lego.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
