at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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