Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
