so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
