Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
