I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
