just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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