she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
