Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.