This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I need a hoe opinion
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.