You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed