i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
