they need to just BURY HIM!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
