Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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