so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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