why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
