DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
