I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
