A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
